A book published in 1962 before the Women’s Liberation movement took full form. It challenges notions of women’s sexuality, political involvement and what it means to be a mother by presenting a new kind of woman as if she already existed (though at the time it would be difficult to find such women). A woman with a “man’s attitude” which means that she sees herself as valid, equal, sexual, competent, parental as a man – no more, no less. A woman who does not need to compare herself or draw herself in contrast to a man to define herself. A woman who is first and only an individual, representative of humanity, just as man has always been taught to see himself as mensch, an embodiment of all that the human psyche can do, all that the human heart can bear.
It is a stupendous feat. I say this with a thud, as if I were smacking the whole of that heavy tome – 576 pages – on the desk to emphasize. It is that good.
And all that I have written above stands for the new Mila Kunis/Justin Timberlake transport of fun called Friends with Benefits.
***
A feminist theme ran surreptitiously below The Golden Notebook by Doris Lessing. Usually novels about women are only about women falling in love or as mothers. But this novel is about an era in history – the end of Stalinism, the disillusionment of many international Communists who saw that their ideal was earnest and good and yet still unrealistic. It was a time when people were trying to be good in a grand way. Social justice meant I must become an outspoken Communist or go to Africa and educate the villagers about their rights against colonialism. Novels of this kind of heft usually front a male protagonist. Anna Wulf was involved in activism in Central Africa before she became a committed Communist in the 1950s. The novel deals with political themes from Anna’s perspective, taking for granted that she is a woman.
So often things are presented from “the woman’s perspective” and this upsets me. If the perspective is good and balanced, why can’t it stand alone? Your views on the world as just as valid as any man’s. Let not the words, “sorry, but as a woman…” never trespass your lips. Speak on, Friend.
The Golden Notebook is also about love and loneliness and pride. To say “I need” is very unattractive to people but so is “I will give” for as Bette Midler said “it’s the one who won’t be taken who cannot seem to give.” People are afraid to give because they are afraid of being exploited but they are equally afraid of being taken (seriously). They are afraid someone will look at them and say “you were great.” A pressure would rise within. They’d have to live up to actually being a good human being. Or a great lover. Or a great friend. Have you ever meant that person who seems bent on establishing that he is, above all, average? He is not great so don’t you go expecting too much of him.
The protagonist Anna Wulf is recovering from a double shot of depression: a break-up and writer’s block. Michael, an ex-Commie from Eastern Europe who cried in his sleep left her. Frontiers of War, the best-seller Anna wrote torments her because it celebrates the hysterical jolliness that infects most war movies and books. It is as though the characters are trying to spend their lives away faster, experimenting with themselves in the most reckless ways they can because they are afraid (of dying). It is like the now proverbial fight against the dying of the light. It is the same impulse that leads bored adults to happy hour at 3 pm and kids to do pot before their teens.
Anna is like The New York Times photographer Kevin Carter who shot himself after taking a picture of a child falling prey to a vulture during a major famine in Sudan. Her writer’s block stems from her guilt at having benefitted from people’s misfortunes, at having made something so delightful, so beautiful from something so frightful, so ugly. War. Oppression. Racism.
A book that challenges my pre-conceived notions is a winner! To be honest I hated parts of the book because I felt Lessing was speaking for women when she spoke of Anna. I did not agree with all of Anna’s choices. And then I realized this story is about one woman, not womanhood -whatever that might be. And, suddenly, I realized that women at times show split personalities: a whole, human personality and a woman-personality, as if being a woman was something apart. But men are always men. Then I saw that the greatest protest that I can make is to see myself as one individual, complete and representative of humanity.
***
The new film Friends With Benefits was a complete joy to watch. Finally we have a woman in a romantic comedy who is a complete individual. Her ideas and opinions are not “the way girls think.” They are just ideas and opinions. And a male character that speaks -I hope- of the maturity of our generation. He accepts and recognizes her as his equal, as another individual.
This movie takes flight where other rom-coms floundered -right on the hardened stereotypes. The plot is not new. Two people, Jamie and Dylan, meet under contrived circumstances. She’s cute and outgoing. He’s sensitive and attractive. They become friends and then friends with benefits. And then they fuss over exactly what they are involved in. What’s our status? What’s your static, why can’t this be like before? Because I’ve grown up with you and I’d like you to grow up with me. Let’s do a grown-up thing and, like, fall in love!
We all watch romantic comedies and we all make fun of them. But Friends With Benefits sold itself by making fun of itself. This is a great example of how a creative mind -or minds {script credits go to Keith Merryman, David Newman and Will Gluck}- can take something stale and infuse it with life again.
Besides boasting a smart theme, the movie is hilarious. The entire theatre rioted with laughter.
Mila Kunis is becoming one my favorite actors. Some people are good at one role and they kick it hard every time. They become a kind of standard for that kind of role. When you think of the mafia you will always think of the guys from The Godfather or Goodfellas. Any new mafia movie either break down the mold and instantly blows our collective mind or it squeezes awkwardly back into the mold. Such a movie is boring and impertinent. I mean, c’mon! It’s the Godfather. Show some respect! Innovate.
Kunis is a nimble actress, able to go in one scene from tough Working Girl to seductive Girl Next Door just with her face. Justin Timberlake still uses too many hand gestures – perhaps a vestigial quirk from his boy-band days. However, Timberlake strikes the right tone with every joke so I will say he totally brought the FunnyBack. He does know how to act, as he promised in that shy S&M tinged pop song that I will go on record admitting I love.
{OK, I also liked N’Sync. But definitely not 98°}
It is a studio-made rom-com and this is America; happy endings are complementary. At last Jamie and Dylan talk and uncloak themselves (figuratively because they already did it literally in the first 20 minutes of the film) before one another. I have daddy issues. You have mommy issues. Let’s fall in love! They go eat a burger together and then they kiss. And then do some other stuff some perv will probably play on repeat.
